Can't I just enjoy it?

I went to see The Blind Side on Friday, with a friend, her son, and my two sons. Pinky really wanted to see this movie. I was not opposed to going. I had heard Sandra Bullock put in a good performance, and hey, I think she is, or at least was, to velo-dude what Johnny Depp is to me (oops, I probably wasn't supposed to say that). Well, I was not prepared for the flood of tears that came from me, throughout the entire movie. I should have been, because I have always been a sucker for a tearjerker, and I am a natural at crying. In public. But this was ridiculous. Luckily my friend joined me for a few of those tears. Pinky said he felt like crying several times, but "held it in". Curly was quiet through most of the movie, no small feat there for someone who normally cannot keep the mouth shut. So it was one of those movies. A good cry. A feel-gooder. Except that I'm not supposed to like this movie. It's not supposed to make me feel good. True story though it is, I am supposed to be disgusted by the paternalism, the rich-white-family-saves-poor-African-American cliche, etc. So I feel guilty liking it, and that has weighed on my mind most of the weekend. It takes the feel-good out of the feel-gooder.

I go to the movie theater so rarely, really. Why can't I just enjoy it when I do go?

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Anyone know why the blogs I follow don't update over on my sidebar? I think laggin posed this question a while back as well. It irritates me. Little things like that do. The bigger things in life? I just go into denial on those.

exam hangover

I have that bad hangover taste in my mouth. Not alcohol-induced. More like...poor-preparation-for-an-important-job-related-exam-induced. I don't know why I am having so much trouble focusing on study time at this point in my life, but it's pretty bad. I made it through graduate school 15 years ago, so what's the big deal? Two little things called Pinky and Curly, I guess. Plus a little laziness added in. I did hammer away for the past few weeks, but just like last time, seems to have been too little too late. Somehow I am going to have to break out of this cycle and get down to business next time around. I have 2 months until results come out, during which I will teach myself an undergraduate-level business course (totally different topic), take mini-exam at the end of the year, and then see in early January whether I need to restudy the same material from this last big exam, or whether I get to move on to the next one. Realistically, I don't stand a chance in hell of passing, based on the number of items with which I had difficulty. But, I know my routine. As the next 2 months progress, I will start to get glimmers of hope that somehow I pulled it off (everyone else did just as bad, my random guesses on the multiple choice beat all odds and were all correct, etc). Then the day results come out, I will be thinking I have half a chance, until I scroll through that list, searching for my id number, and alas, it will not be there. Shot down again. I will fight off tears, as this will be on a weekday, mid afternoon, and I will be at work. Oh, the beauty of this twisted semi-annual drill. (and the new twist to this will be that it will be early January, right in the thick of year-end reporting which is way bigger deal with my new position, so I will not be able to walk out the door and start drowning my sorrows).

Ugh.

But, that is it for my self-pitying/self-loathing, on this site, for now. Time to enjoy the little things again, and maybe blog about a few of the good ones.