The Talk

It's time. It's past time. It's I've-been-a-lame-mom-avoiding-the-topic-and-if-I-don't-get-on-it-it's-going-to-come-back-and-bite-me time. I may have already told the first half of this story, I don't recall...

Last spring, Pinky saw the first of "the movies", which was the boys' version of "what's going to be happening to my body", and hinting around at where babies come from but avoiding the topic of the dirty deed itself. I was all "anything you want to ask, feel free to ask me", and he was all "just one question, I get the stuff about what's going to happen to me, and I get the stuff about the baby in the girl's body, but I don't get how the boys stuff gets to the girls body". At which point, I transformed from the open, you-can-talk-to-me-about-anything-mom to a blabbering, awkward idiot. (don't ask me why I didn't anticipate it, I really am an idiot when it comes to this kind of thing). In the end, I gave him a half-hearted answer and put off the details until a later date, and something about getting a book. And that seemed to be good enough for him. Now at least 9 months later, I have had that nagging thought on occasion that I needed to finish the job, but never actually acted on it. Lame!

Meanwhile, there are 3 girls in Pinky's class that have been interested in boys as boyfriends for quite a while now (like since 3rd grade!). They make the rounds, have a boyfriend for a while, break up with him, etc. All very innocent, I don't even think there's been any hand-holding yet, although maybe so. This fall, Pinky was "picked" by C to be her boyfriend. R was the messenger, and told Pinky that she required an answer within 2 days. Pinky was a little confused, and must have asked what this involved, and R told him "it's really easy, you don't even talk to her for the first couple of weeks, and then you start talking to her". Okay, so there are rules. Well, Pinky actually wanted to talk to me about it, and we talked about C, about other girls, about how he felt about girls, etc, and in the end I told him that this was a decision he would have to make on his own, but that after talking to him, it sounded to me like he just wasn't interested in girls as girlfriends yet, and that was okay. I also talked to him about treating girls with respect, and that when he was ready for a girlfriend, be prepared to treat her like a queen, etc. So, in the end he told R to tell C that he wasn't ready for a girlfriend, at which point she announced that she wasn't ready for a boyfriend (um, she's gone through boyfriends like I go through red wine, but whatevs) and that was that.

Around November or so, Pinky started dropping hints that perhaps he'd made the wrong decision. I don't think he really liked C, but I think he is wishing he could have a girlfriend to see what it's like. The last time was when his class got a new student, right after Winter Break, and he said he had hoped it was a girl, and that it would be someone he would like (it was a boy, oh well). Sounds like he doesn't see any of his buddies that he's known since kindergarten as girlfriend material. Makes sense to me...could that mean he won't be doing anything about that until 7th grade, when he goes to middle school? I can only hope.

So, that brings us to yesterday. The movie "Titanic" was on tv for the gazillionth time. I don't love that movie, but Pinky does, so I left it on for a while. Of course, that happened to be right at the part where the guy paints the girl nude. Um, can I change the channel now? Yes, Pinky says, after which he states "dating is weird". What, I say? "Like, you know, how the boy acted all weird when he saw the girl naked. It's weird". Oh boy, here we go. In my mind I am planning a trip to the bookstore in the very near future to find that book. Out loud I stumble around a bit again (Curly is in the same room at this point, mind you), and then move on to the topic of girlfriends in general. I go to close the conversation with "Pinky, what is the one thing you must remember when it is time for your first girlfriend?" I am thinking "treat her like a queen". His response, on the other hand, was "Don't get her pregnant?". OMG. I think I'm going to be sick.

Off to the bookstore now. Better late than never.

Zebulon

Zebulon Montgomery Pike. American Hero. At least, he's one of the choices Pinky had for an American Hero, a 5th grade rite of passage in our school district. I am soooo glad this project is nearly over. Outlines, note cards, note pages, more notes, bibliographies, rough drafts, essays, biopoems, oral presentations...aaaghhh! I can't take it any more! He handed in everything today, and tomorrow is his presentation. I read in the list of requirements a sentence that clearly said "You may dress as your hero for your oral presentation." Now, when I see the phrase "you may..." I think optional. Pinky agreed it was optional, and things have been pretty hectic around here, with me working long days and weekends since Jan 1, for quarter and year end reporting deadlines. Also trying to put together the banquet which will send Pinky from cub scouts to boy scouts, and putting together something called an Arrow of Light for that, etc. So i had pretty much decided it was a no on the Hero costume, and Pinky was okay with that, he said some other kids were not dressing up either. Then I was talking to a fellow mom-friend, who pointed out that while yes, indeed it was optional, it was also worth 10 of the 100 points. WTF? How is that optional? So, yes, we scrambled to put something together this weekend. Mr. Pike is credited with discovering Pikes Peak, so he was a mountain man, great explorer of the West. We managed to throw together some very un-1807-ish clothing into something sort of passable. Hopefully he won't be too embarassed tomorrow. Surely some of the other kids will have last-minute costumes too? I mean come on, we spent $2.00 on package of boot shoelaces to tie his pouch on, that's it. I know someone else spent $25 on a clearance (clearance? yikes!) Halloween costume for theirs. Hope the grades are not positively correlated with the amount of money mom or dad was willing to spend. So, here he is, in all his glory. I'm still not convinced he was a hero, some suspicious and unresolved accusations involving Spanish spies, and he took his men on expeditions ill-prepared for the elements they faced, but oh well. He was a braver and more adventurous soul than me, so I guess I shouldn''t criticize.